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| There are millions of us in the world. Don't
isolate yourselves. |
| By Jim Lewis and Michael Slocum |
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| Maybe you have tested HIV-positive very
recently; maybe you've known it for some time, but this is the
first time you've reached out for information or support. You
need to know that you are not alone. |
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| Testing positive for HIV does not mean
that you have AIDS, but HIV is probably the greatest threat
to your life you have ever faced. This virus may remain inactive
in your body for a long time, but it may not. If you are healthy
now, you may still go on to develop some sort of health problems
related to HIV. You may develop AIDS. There remain many uncertainties
surrounding HIV, and though there is currently no "cure" for
HIV infection, there are treatments. You need to learn what
information is available and make informed choices about your
health. |
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| Many HIV-positive people now live fulfilling
and happy lives. Many are healthy and show no symptoms of disease.
Many choose to take treatments and drugs that promise to lengthen
their lives. So, as serious as this is, there is hope. You do
not have to look at testing HIV-positive as if you've been given
a death sentence. |
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| It's a good thing you found this out. As
upsetting as testing positive may have been for you, you are
better off knowing, so you can learn about HIV and decide what
you want to do about it. The fact that you cared enough about
yourself to get the HIV test and the fact that you are reading
this show that you are concerned about your health. So give
yourself some credit. You have taken important first steps to
take care of yourself, and you should be glad about it. |
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| Years ago, those who tested HIV-positive
had few places to turn for support. These people felt like they
were hanging in limbo. Fortunately, much has changed. We know
more about HIV now and many organizations have formed around
the world to offer support and information to people living
with this virus. Many have already faced the questions inherent
in living with HIV, and many will follow. You don't have to
face this by yourself. There are lots of hands reaching out
to assist you. |
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| Finding out that you are infected is usually
overwhelming. Even if you had suspected it for some time, learning
that you are can be a very traumatic experience. Testing HIV-positive
has led some people to quit their jobs, quickly write out their
wills, and say goodbye to their friends and family, only to
discover that they aren't sick and will probably live for many
years to come. It's common to perceive these results as an immediate
death sentence, but this is simply not true. |
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| What you are feeling now is perfectly normal.
Anger, fear, confusion, numbness, depression -- all are completely
natural reactions to the kind of news you've heard. If you've
known for even several weeks, you may find yourself having a
normal day, then suddenly remember that you are HIV-positive.
It's very common for this kind of realization to just "hit you
in the face" out of nowhere over and over again. You are not
going crazy if this happens to you. Your moods may swing from
profound sadness one moment to extreme anger the next. That's
normal, too. |
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| The first step to getting through this
emotional turmoil is to acknowledge what you are feeling. Don't
be surprised to find yourself going through the day in a state
of shock. Allow yourself to feel nothing. Your emotions will
come rushing back in soon enough. This is merely a way that
your mind "turns off" to allow you to cope with a problem. |
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| If you are feeling angry, that's fine.
You have every right to be angry and a lot to be angry about.
This virus is threatening your very existence. It's okay to
express this anger. If you're frightened, acknowledge your fears.
You are thinking about things that would make anyone fearful.
You are allowed to feel the way you do. Don't be hard on yourself
or think you have to be strong. You don't have to be anything.
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| Almost everyone is afraid of getting sick
and dying. If you're young, you may never have had to face the
death of someone close to you. We often think of dying as something
that happens only when we're old. You may never have really
considered the reality of your own death before. Now, suddenly,
you are HIV-positive and your mortality becomes very real. You
may be afraid of pain, of hospitals, or of becoming unattractive
to others through an illness. |
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| Your reaction to the idea of getting sick
or dying could go one of two ways. You may decide that you are
definitely going to live and that there is no way that this
virus is ever going to "get" you. This is a form of what's called
denial -- refusing to face some of the possibilities of living
with HIV. If you find yourself feeling this way, try to keep
in mind that having hope to go on with your life is good. However,
it can become dangerous if it keeps you from taking care of
yourself. |
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| The other way you might choose to deal
with the subject is by deciding that you are absolutely going
to die of this and there is nothing you can do about it. If
you go this way, you may find yourself fantasizing about your
own sickness and death. You have to keep in mind that there
are many people who are HIV-positive who are living productive,
happy lives, and you can be among them if you choose. It's good
to face up to the possible consequences of this infection, but
not to the point that living today becomes less important than
your fear of the future. It helps to remind yourself that everyone
will die, but that doesn't prevent most people from living today. |
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| One of the truths of testing HIV-positive
is that once you know, you can never not know again. For better
or worse, your life will always be different now. You may be
experiencing great feelings of loss about this. You may feel
that certain areas of your life are now in the hands of doctors,
insurance companies, or symptoms. This can make you feel as
though you have less control over your own life and may cause
you incredible anxiety. |
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| Know this -- you do not have to give up
control of your life. By arming yourself with information and
deciding what is right for you, you will soon realize that you
are still the same person you were. It is your life, your body,
your health, and no matter how well-meaning your family, your
friends, or your doctor may be, they have no right to take control
of your life. Allow yourself to take time to decide what you
want to do. Then go do it. |
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| You may find that many of the priorities
in your life change rapidly. If you are considering making major
changes in your life, just make sure that you think them through
carefully. Many HIV-positive people have made huge changes in
the way they live. Many have broken bad habits, such as drinking
too much or smoking. Some have gotten out of bad relationships
or quit jobs they really hated. Facing the possibility of getting
sick or dying has made many of our lives much better because
it has made us take action in areas we have previously ignored
or repeatedly put off. Mortality can be a great motivator. |
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| Some people blame themselves for being
HIV-positive. This kind of guilt and self-hate is very destructive.
Regardless of how you were infected, you did not go somewhere
or do something with the intention of infecting yourself --
so why beat yourself up about it? You are facing enough right
now; you don't need to punish yourself for testing HIV-positive
also. |
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| Grief, or extreme sadness, is one of the
emotions that most HIV-positive people face at some point. You
may be grieving for yourself, facing the possibility of your
own death. For many of us, the virus is not only affecting our
lives, but the lives of those we love. Many have lost friends
and loved ones to HIV, or have many people in their lives who
are also HIV-positive. Allow yourself to express grief and fear
in some way. Permit yourself to cry. These feelings are valuable
and normal; ignoring them will not make them go away. |
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| You may also feel that you are now damaged
in some way -- that no one will want to touch you or love you
or that you are less desirable because you are HIV-positive.
You may feel that you will never be able to love again, that
no one would want to be with you if they knew that you were
HIV-positive. These feelings will pass. You are not "damaged
goods." You are still a valuable person, as capable of giving
and receiving love as ever. You can make your own decisions,
relax, and enjoy each day. This may be a struggle and you may
have to find new ways of coping with daily life, but it's worth
it. |
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| Many of us have been raised with the idea
of "rugged individualism," that we must face things on our own,
that this is what "strength" is all about. Asking for help or
reaching out for support are often considered weaknesses. Consequently,
a very common response to testing HIV-positive is withdrawal.
We isolate ourselves, hiding the news of our status. This can
be very painful. |
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| Your life does not have to be doom and
gloom. It is possible to have a very positive attitude as a
person living with HIV -- millions are doing it right now --
but it is much more difficult to get on with your life and live
happily if you're trying to do it alone. |
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| There's no need for you to handle this
by yourself, and it's probably a mistake even to try to do it.
You are not the only person facing this. Learn who the others
are and what they have to offer. Just hearing how someone else
has adjusted to living with the virus can be enough to help
you realize that life is still good, that you can still have
love and laughter. And you may also be surprised to learn that
your own sharing can help others. In sharing the issues that
concern us, each of our voices lends strength to the others.
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| Support groups are a powerful means of
learning to cope with this new beginning. There are support
groups offered by HIV/AIDS organizations across the country.
If there's no support group in your area, you may be just the
person to get one started. Just remember: those millions of
people living successfully with HIV are people who've reached
out to get the help they needed. Wherever you are, you can find
support, or the means to create it. It just doesn't make sense
for us to face the same issues without helping each other out.
We are not alone. And neither are you. |
